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I'd been hearing it for years but she always managed to get to me."What exactly is Teresa doing?" I asked Vera as we sat down on the couch in the living room."Well, like I was saying, she's inseminating Mom by inserting a sperm-filled syringe into her vagina and injecting the load deep inside her. We slipped a sleeping pill into her supper tonight so she'll sleep like a baby. With any luck she'll wake up in the morning with one growing inside her belly." But how will that help us?" My mom is intent on putting the father of my baby in prison or, in your case, reform school. I'm not sure she'll succeed but my mom will raise the biggest stink possible and generally embarrass everyone. If she falls pregnant mysteriously she'll be too humiliated to proceed. As a side benefit my mom will get off my back." This sounds too crazy," I objected. "I don't think it'll work." Fine. Let's hear your solution."I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't have any," I admitted.Vera slipped an arm around my. Part of the purpose of the forthcoming Congress was to study vestigial ancient customs in the developed world, England in particular, since this was the country favoured with the task of hosting this year's event.Professor Hackenbacker spoke in his rich baritone voice."I hear that there is an ancient fair held each year in a place called Little Sprodwell. This is a festivity which has roots going far back into the pagan and pre Celtic past of this country where each year is re-enacted an ancient pagan sacrifice of a young maiden as an appeasement of the fertility gods." Bollocks!" said Professor Potts-Johnson in his reedy and querulous tones. "And the full name of that one-horse arse hole of the universe is Little Sprodwell under Fosse - God help us all!" I beg your pardon, Professor, but I have this on the very best authority. The trouble with you locals is you can't see the wood for the trees. You are blind to the treasures to be found in your own back yard." Bollocks, if you will.
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